Saturday, April 25, 2009


I have stuck to my WW points for an entire week (except for Friday night); I have gone walking on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today - 20 minutes on Tuesday and 25 minutes Wednesday and today. And, as you can see by my little ticker at the top of the page, the hula girl is moving closer to my goal! The big party is in August and has a Hawaiian theme, so I changed my ticker to reflect that. Woo hoo!

I have been feeling positive about 85% of the time. There are times when I am feeling so good, so WELL, so positive...then I catch sight of myself in a window. I don't have a single full length mirror in my house, and I manage to look myself dead in the eye in the bathroom mirror when doing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. It is the only mirror in the place, and it hits me at about bellybutton height, so I never get to see myself full length - just the way I like it. Anyhoo, I digress. When I see myself reflected in a window or something that shows me full length, I think, "Why am I doing this? What difference does it make? I am too old to ever find anyone that will love me. By the time I lose all the weight I want to, I will probably be 45 (if I'm lucky) and no one will want me." For a few minutes, my world crumbles and I want to just crawl in a hole and stay there (as long as I can order pizza). I don't know who in the world will want to be with a 40+ year old that has had zippo experience with relationships (the last time I had a boyfriend, I was 17. Haven't even been kissed since then, let alone anything else. People who say they have "chosen" to be celibate for a month crack me up). But then I remember that lots of women find love later in life and are very happy. And even if I never find love, if I stay strong and loose weight and exercise, I will die happy knowing that I won't have to be removed from my house with a crane and be buried in a piano crate for a coffin.

Sheesh - could I be any more morbid? Let's not find out, shall we? I have been having some fun planning my new wardrobe for my August vacation. The new Roaman's plus size catalog came in the mail the other day, and there are lots of really cute clothes in there that I could pull off if I meet my goal weight by then. Normally I don't get a big thrill out of the thought of buying new clothes, because I am using buying them in a BIGGER size. I can't wait to find out what it feels like to buy clothes in a SMALLER size! I have been pizza free for an entire week (I'm surprised Domino's and Papa John's haven't sent the cops by to make sure I'm OK), and have had fast food a few times but made them work into my points for the day. Friday night I did go over and have fish & chips with a piece of cheesecake at Montana Jacks. However, I did not feel guilty because I have decided that if I am going to jump off the wagon and run along side, I will do it with a plan and not with the "screw this I'm just chucking it" attitude. If I want to go off plan and have dinner out, I will do it on a Friday or Saturday; I will continue to eat the way I should for the entire day - with the exception of that one meal - instead of pigging out all day long; and I will still exercise that day. I want to lose the weight, but I don't want to live in a world where I cannot eat something if I really want it and am willing to be responsible about it. That isn't a change of lifestyle, that is a diet and it is hell.

Welp, I'ma gonna sign off for now. I had a lovely day and I am tired and wish to go sleepy bo-bos. TTFN.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Dieting sucks, and I HATE IT

I sent the following email to my lovely friends, sister, and nieces; we are all trying to lose weight, and some of us have a specific goal of losing 40-45 lbs by August (thus the little scale-o-meter at the top of my blog page - you know, the one that never mooves? Oops, I meant mooves. Moooves. Moves. Whatever.)

Hi ladies – how is everyone doing with their goals? I suck. Big time. I am not any closer to meeting my goal than I was when I started! I have been frustrated and depressed, and it has caused me to find solace in my comfort foods: pizza (curse you Domino’s!!!! I ate an entire medium deep dish pizza Thursday night – that’s right, an entire medium pizza all by myself in one sitting); Super Nachos from Guadalajara (which are actually meant to serve four people as an appetizer); burgers and fries from McDonalds. Well ladies – that was last week. This is a new week – which for me actually started Saturday. The weather here has finally reached above 45° and is predicted to be 75°+ for the rest of the week! Talk about a boost!! Saturday and Sunday I opened every single window in my place and let the nice fresh air blow around and through it. It was fabulous! I started taking Lipozene on Friday before lunch and dinner and it really helps to dampen my appetite, and I am fuller quicker – which is the whole point. I have a 30-day supply, so I will let you know how they work for me.

Sunday I went grocery shopping at Wally World and got stuff for lunches and dinner. I seem to do really well (most of the time) while I am at work. I pack a lunch with a Lean Cuisine or Smart Ones frozen entrĂ©e, a jello or pudding cup, cottage cheese and fruit, and some crackers or something crunchy for a snack. One drawer of my desk is filled – literally – with sugar-free drinks for my water, Fiber One and Zone Perfect bars, and instant oatmeal packets (for breakfast since I cannot ever get breakfast at home). Dinner is my ultimate downfall. By the time I get home I just don’t want to make anything; the kitchen is a complete disaster full of dirty dishes, etc., I am tired and frustrated after a long day of working for this stupid company, and I just want to go through a drive-thru or order pizza online because it is fast and I don’t have to do much. So, I have purchased Weight Watcher points friendly sandwich makings, etc. so that I can just make myself a simple sandwich when I get home. Taking the Lipozene at about 5pm helps me stop the over eating and snacking after I get home, so that is a plus!

I do Weight Watchers online, and last week they put out a walking challenge and encouraged people to make teams, etc. I finally found a couple of people here in Billings that want to participate with me in this, and we are getting together Tuesday for our first “official” walk together (our team name is – my idea – The Billings Booty Busters). The challenge is basically to be 5K ready in 8 weeks – for either a 5K walk or run. There is no way I could do a 5K run in my present condition, but I am determined to be able to do a 5K walk! I took a little, tiny-weenie, walk yesterday – down to the end of my block, across the street to the other end of the block, back across the street again to home. I was probably only about an eighth of a mile, but it felt really good to just get the body moving, and I met my neighbor that moved in next door about six months ago since he was outside playing with his 2 year old son and 1 year old daughter in the lovely sunshine!

So, I am feeling very positive this morning – despite gaining 3.2 pound last week – and I hope you all are feeling positive too! WE CAN DO THIS. It may not seem like it sometimes, but I refuse to give up.

Love you all!!!

Wow, wasn't that positive and uplifting? I have no idea where it came from. Oh, don't get me wrong; I am feeling positive, etc. but I suppose it was just a little sugary for the real me. Anyway, so far so good today. I really got into a slump as it was my birthday last week - on the 15th. Yep! What is almost as fun as sharing your birthday with Hitler? Sharing with the IRS of course! That means for lucky little 'ol me, I cannot ever forget my birthday or when taxes are due. NEAT! I now need to perfect my Patsy Stone accent (I'M FORTY-TWO!)

I just get frustrated because sometimes things that I don't want to pass quickly always do, and losing weight is not one of those things. I get all hepped up and excited and positive, etc. but it still takes FOREVER for next week to come so that I can see the results of my progress (if any). How come the weekends don't follow the same time continuum? (That was for all of you Star Trek fans out there. As if you read my blog.)

But the good news is that the days are getting longer and it stays lighter now; Family Guy had a new episode last night so I have a NEW un-PC song stuck in my noggin' (a bag of weed, a bag of weed, everything goes better with a bag of weed!); baseball games have started in earnest; and the weather is finally leading us Montanan's to believe (erroniously, of course) that all the snow is behind us and we can now enjoy our first sunburn of the year.

So, until next time, please concentrate on the little scale at the top of my blog and will it to moooove towards my goal. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated.


Sunday, April 5, 2009

Procrastination is my middle name...

I am feeling better now; Thursday was the worst day, and I have a very unsympathetic boss so it just made things worse. I am now on the mend; god bless NyQuil liquid gels!

I took myself out to lunch today since Montana Jacks sent me a coupon for my birthday this month. While treating myself, I had a slice of their new Very Cherry Cheesecake. Uh, yes, would you please come to my home and fill my bathtub with this please? STAT? OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Yes yes me likey very very much the Very Cherry Cheesecake from Montana Jacks. Highly recommend ordering and promptly planting face in. STAT. I am not usually a fan of the baked cheesecake as I find they are kinda on the dry side (yes, this from the woman who buys the Jell-O brand cheesecake mix, mixes the batter together and eats it straight out of the mixing bowl without letting it set with all the graham cracker crust ingredients sprinkled on top). HOWEVER, this heavenly concoction was not dry at all, was full of lovely big juicy cherries, and the thick graham cracker crust? WAS ON TOP OF THE CHEESECAKE! Did I mention that I highly recommend consuming mass quantities? Ok, just wanted to be sure. It is the closest thing to sex I have ever had. Ever.

After leaving the restaurant I was on a bit of a high. The sun was shining brilliantly and I just wanted to go for a lovely walk. So I drove all the way across the city to the new Kohl's and walked around in there (shut up - it counts as exercise)(it DOES TOO!!!). I am forever seeking the best duvet cover for my bedroom (duh - No, we thought it was for the kitchen!) and found one on that I really, really like, but I am just having a really hard time committing. I found several items that I liked at Kohl's, but the problem is that I have a full-sized bed. If it was something that was just, eh, ok - then they had it in a full size and it was on sale. Next. If it was something that was fabulous and designed by Vera Wang - they had it in a full but it was over $200. Next. If it was fabulous and on sale? Then they had one California King set and one twin. CURSES!! So, after wandering around the housewares and jewelry sections without finding anything that turned me on as much as that cheesecake, I left. Then I decided that what would really cheer me up would be a nifty crystal decanter for storing mouthwash in my bathroom. I would run (drive) over to Tuesday Morning to see what they had; they rarely disappoint in their choices of crystal nifty-thingies. Would Tuesday Morning be open on a Sunday Afternoon? SCORE! I parked next to a sparkly shiny clean SUV as the owner came strolling out in her Easter best. My SUV looks like I currently live in it, and am as bad a housekeeper while living in my vehicle as I am in my real home. She had the nerve to very un-casually "glance" into my vehicle as she was approaching hers and turn up her nose in judgement. I felt like hocking a lugey at her as I got out of my Rodeo, but I classily resisted. Humpf. I was determined that this old biddy was not going to harsh my cheesecake buzz (have I mentioned the cheesecake? I have? Just checking). I made my entrance into the store prepared to be dazzled by their usual array of crystal lovlies. I was sorely disappointed. It appears that they have not only rearranged the store so that I had to waste precious steps to find said crystal collection, but they have drastically down-sized their inventory as well. CRAP!! I finally managed to find where they were hiding the three crystal decanters they had, but they were all $25 and just didn't do it for me. Sigh... I then realized why I rarely shop there anymore; most of the stuff they have you would have to pay me to take out of the store and then I still wouldn't want to schlep it to my car. Oh well. Just as well I suppose.

And the real reason I was doing all of this was because I was wearing my last pair of clean underwear, next to last pair of clean socks, and my horribly unflattering pair of workout sweats because I have absolutely no clean clothes. At all. Seriously. But I did manage to get two loads of laundry done today. Yay me.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009


*sniff* *snnnniiiiifff* *cough cough* *snort* *SNEEZE* *whine for mommy* *SSSNNNNIIIIFFFFFF*

I have the crud.

I am whiny.

My nose is raw.

Lost 2.8 lbs last week. Reading Jen Lancaster's Bitter Is The New Black. Laughing my head off, which is OK because it's full of snot and not doing me much good right now anyway.

I'm going back to bed.